Having been a child raised on packets of Hamburger Helper, boxes of Jiffy muffins, and canned green beans, it took a long time to be exposed to foods in their… you know… natural states. 

It wasn’t until I moved back to California in my mid-20s that I first experienced avocado in its natural state. The very first time I got one, I sliced it into thin strips and ate them with scrambled eggs and coffee as a spur-of-the-moment Saturday brunch. Every bite was a revelation; a delight. From that day forward, I was utterly smitten. Now I regularly carve one in half and chop it up to toss on top of dinner or lunch, or simply spoon scoops of it into my mouth as a snack.

Unfettered access to avocados remains one of the only pros on my Staying In California pro/con list. And yet even here in this bountiful region that access can be dodgy. Sometimes — get this — sometimes there are no avocados at the market. Other times, there are avocados, but they are all hard as rocks. It’s weeks like these that, in desperation, I pick up as many rocks as I can carry and rush home and shove them into paper bags to help speed the ripening process. But I inevitably end up the next week with an excess of avocados going mushy.

Such difficult times, yes.

That’s why I was thrilled to discover that you could use avocados to make CHOCOLATE PUDDING. Just like standing desks, I feel like this is something everyone who spends any time on the internet has already heard about, and yet when I mention to anyone that I stand when I work, they usually stare at me as I’ve just informed them that I prefer wearing my socks on my hands instead of my feet. So I thought I’d go ahead and talk about this delicious treat here, just in case there is someone out there who would like to start wearing socks on their hands learn how to make chocolate pudding out of avocados.

I first saw this recipe on Twitter, but I can’t remember who shared it because I immediately added the link to my bookmarks folder just like it was still 2002. If you were the person from whence this knowledge came, let me know and I will bow down and lick your toes in adulation credit you accordingly.

EDIT: It was KC! I should have guessed, since “foodie” is in the name of her blog.

Chocolate Avocado Puddin’

1 ripe avocado
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/4 cup agave nectar 1
1/4 cup milk 2
1 teaspoon real vanilla extract

1 If you don’t have agave nectar (carried at Trader Joe’s and most grocery stores) on hand, you could try using honey. Honey would bring a more intense and distinctive flavor, but the point is to use an easily-dissolvable sugar — granulated is no bueno.
2 I am one of those self-satisfied schmucks who uses almond milk, but real dairy milk works too. 

Instructions

  1. Put it all in a blender or food processor.
  2. Blend that shit up until it’s smooth and creamy.
  3. BADOW.

Now, I don’t really follow this recipe, so to speak. This is partially because I’m usually using bits and pieces of various avocados, which throws all of the ingredient proportions off, and partially because everything I do in the kitchen is geared towards using as few dishes and utensils as possible. Why use a measuring cup and a teaspoon if you just have to wash them later? Similarly, why dirty the lid to the blender when you can clamp a paper towel over the top instead?

Storage

I’ve had success storing the pudding until the next day. The key is to keep the pits of the avocados you use and add them back in with the rest of the pudding before you put it in the fridge, like you do with guacamole to help keep it from turning brown. The next day there will be slight discoloration on the surface but it’s nothing a good stir won’t fix. Yay, pudding for two days in a row!

Questions

Q. Avocado? Really? Doesn’t that taste weird?
A. You taste weird. No, seriously though. It tastes exactly like chocolate pudding with a hint of avocado on the back of the palate. If you like the taste of avocado, this shouldn’t be a problem. If you don’t like the taste of avocado, well, I doubt you’re even still reading. All you avocado-haters have run off to touch yourselves in secret places, I’m sure. I hope you’re enjoying yourselves!

Q. A paper towel? Really? Didn’t that get messy?
A. Your mom gets mes— oh, fine, I’ll cut it out. No, the paper towel did a fairly good job. It was when I refused to sully a spatula to scrape down the sides of the blender that things got out of hand. I was reusing a metal soup spoon for the job and boy, was that slow and infuriating! I had to stick my arms way down inside the blender to get all the good stuff out and I don’t know what happened. I think I kind of blacked out. I vaguely recall pudding all over the counter, and in my hair. But decent women don’t speak of these things. I’ve already said too much.

Q. Where is a picture of this pudding? I need a picture. I don’t understand the internet without pictures.
A. You don’t need a picture. Really. Just imagine some chocolate-colored goop in a white ramekin with a shallow depth of focus, perhaps with a sprig of mint tucked delicately to the side. You’ve seen this picture, like, five million times before. There is no reason for me to take another one. 

Plus, I have no ramekins, and ALSO NO MINT. Worst food blogger ever.

Q. So what, is this going to become a food blog now? Because I already have several of those in my reader, and I like them way better.
A. SORRY TO OFFEND. I know this is a janky one-off post, and I can do better for myself, but dudes. I really, really, really just like this pudding a lot. There was a moment earlier this week, when I was still finding rapidly drying smears of pudding on my forearms and licking them off with no small measure of delight, that I paused mid-lick and thought, “I should blog about this shit.” Because I really love it, I do. And that’s what I do on my blog, write about things I love. Also things I hate. And things that irritate me, or make me sad. And things that make me furiously happy, of course.

And this pudding does exactly that.

Would you ever try chocolate pudding made from avocados? Have you already tried it? Did it make you want to punch people in the face in ecstasy (“Loved it!”) or in fury (“Haaaaated it!”)?