I saw the story about Neil Patrick Harris and David Burka in Out magazine via a link on Gawker last week, and was quickly enamored of this quote:
“What defines a relationship is the work that’s involved to maintain it, and it’s constantly changing. Sometimes I’m deeply in love with David and head-over-heels, and sometimes I question whether it’s going to work out and is meant to be. It’s like a business relationship, as well as a personal one; we have a business together and that’s maintaining our love for one another.”
Uh, FUCK YEAH. Fuck storybook romance and resentful ball-and-chain, relationships are a BUSINESS.
***
Last Tuesday night we roused ourselves off of our butts after 8 p.m. and walked to a bar to see the Montreal-based band Handsome Furs play. I knew little about them outside of the fact that they consist solely of the vocalist/guitarist from Wolf Parade and his wife. I’d spent the majority of 2006 listening to Apologies to the Queen Mary on repeat, so I figured that was impetus enough to go check out the gig.
It was a small space and a short set, but the pair put forth a good effort. By the second song the tall man in the leather jacket standing in front of me had gone from tapping his toe to shaking his whole leg. In terms of middle-aged-white-man-dressed-in-lawyer-casual, this was the equivalent of straight-up poppin’ and lockin’ to the beat.
I enjoyed their songs, but I think I mostly enjoyed watching their dynamic. I’d never seen music performed by married people, so I hadn’t known what to expect. Subtle nagging? Glares of contempt? Jaws set in resignation? Falling asleep on the stage early in separate beds because their lives were over?
Nope. Instead we saw two people who were watching each other joyfully, playing off of each others’ energy, and exchanging grins and in-jokes.
Sure, maybe it helped that they were both absolutely high as kites.
But I remained heartened by seeing a couple that just seemed to like each other. So much is said about the importance of love in marriage and not enough about the importance of like. The aim of which, of course, is not to like each other 100% of the time. Most of the time is an admirable enough accomplishment.
Most of the time is a good deal in the hard business world of relationships.
It’s certainly a worthy aspiration.
I certainly love seeing a band enjoy being on stage with another, even if it is an act – and sometimes it would have to be.
I say ‘certainly’ too much.
Gads, yes. Every relationship is work.
Okay, allow me to miss the whole point and be excited that you have heard of Wolf Parade, and any of their offshoot bands. My musical crack is obscure Canadian indie bands, and I’m always happy when anyone else has heard of them.
Wolf Parade, if you ever get the chance to see them, put on an excellent show.
Yes. Yes. I love this post. This is exactly how I feel. “So much is said about the importance of love in marriage and not enough about the importance of like. The aim of which, of course, is not to like each other 100% of the time. Most of the time is an admirable enough accomplishment.”
You so often say exactly what I think much better and funnier than I would. Also, with more cursing.
So true. LIKING is so huge. Love pulls you through the hard times, but you won’t even get there unless you’ve built enough LIKE moments.